Mountain View, CA—Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg announced today that Facebook is launching a mandatory satire filter that will strip all the joy away from the Internet.
“It was only a matter of time before I warned internet users of dangerous satire,” said Zuckerberg via Skype, “Our independent fact-checkers know what’s funny and what’s not. And they will remove any unfunny content.”
Facebook shareholders agree that like the satire filter is a great invention.
Every time a Facebook user posts a satirical website, the post will be covered by an “Unapproved Jokes” banner with links to other safer and less entertaining content. Should the user click away said pop-ups, a bright red warning sign will appear with the words, “Danger: This is NOT Funny” on the screen, along with a concerned unicorn shaking its head.
Things that Facebook finds to be unapproved jokes include:
- How pathetic CHAZ is
- Anything about CNN or Greta Thunberg
- Whether Mark Zuckerberg is an alien lizardman or not
- Joe Biden’s proclivity for sniffing women
“I could have invented the satire filter,” said Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella, “but I didn’t want to. Besides, when it comes to web browsing our company has been phoning it in from the beginning, just look at Internet Explorer.”
“I love it,” said Internet user Al Wazebusy, “I can share articles or videos without having to wonder if it’s a joke or not and if it is, what I don’t find it funny.”
“My meme posting has quadrupled, now that I don’t have to think about what I’m sharing,” said Sharon Ackseptables.
“Everyone should use our plugin, and no, I am not an AI bot,” said web user P. Rogram.
Hackers are expected to have a bootlegged copy of the new plugin before this article has been printed.
Several UN countries have spoken out in support of the new Facebook feature, stating that the Illuminati approves of the new add-on.