Following Santos’ expulsion for being a lying money launderer, Congress expels all of Congress for being lying money launderers
View, from the balcony, of congressmen and congresswomen on the house floor as the 115th Congress is called into session on its opening day, Washington DC, January 3, 2017. (Photo by Mark Reinstein/Corbis via Getty Images)
WASHINGTON, DC—In a shocking turn of events that left the nation both bewildered and mildly impressed, Congress has collectively expelled all its members for being self-admitted lying money launderers. The groundbreaking decision, touted as a bold move towards transparency, occurred shortly after the expulsion of a single member, prompting Congress to take a hard look in the mirror.
The catalyst for this unexpected wave of honesty was the recent expulsion of Representative George Santos for his alleged involvement in money laundering activities. Rather than deny or deflect, Santos reportedly stood up during the expulsion proceedings and declared, “Alright, fine, I did it. But let’s not pretend I’m the only one.”
Witnesses claim the room fell silent as Santos continued, “Let’s just call it like it is – we’re all a bunch of lying money launderers. It’s practically a job requirement around here. So, why single me out?”
Congressional leadership, caught off guard by Santos’ candid confession, reportedly huddled in an emergency meeting to discuss damage control. However, to their surprise, the mood among members had shifted.
One unnamed source within Congress revealed, “It was like a light bulb went off. We realized, hey, maybe George has a point. Maybe we’re all cut from the same deceitful, financially questionable cloth.”
In an unprecedented move, the entire Congress held a joint press conference to announce their collective decision to step down. Speaker of the House, in a rare display of candor, stated, “We’ve decided to lead by example. If our boy George is out, we’re all out. No room for lying money launderers in Congress – starting with us.”
Political analysts and pundits struggled to make sense of the extraordinary turn of events. Some speculated that this was an elaborate ruse, a satirical play to distract from the ongoing issues facing the nation. Others wondered if Congress had collectively decided that honesty was the best policy, even if it meant political suicide.
Meanwhile, ordinary citizens took to social media to express their disbelief and amusement, with one user tweeting, “Who would’ve thought Congress had it in them to tell the truth? Is this an early April Fool’s joke?”
As the nation adjusts to a Congress-free landscape, one can’t help but marvel at the audacity of a political body willingly exposing its own flaws. Whether this is a genuine attempt at reform or an elaborate satirical performance remains to be seen, but one thing is certain – the Capitol Hill drama just took an unexpected twist towards truthfulness.
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