SEATTLE—Tech founder and worldwide supervillain Bill Gates says that he will “release a deadlier virus” if people don’t take his first one “seriously enough.” The threat comes at a time when many are rejecting the government mask mandates and the prospect of vaccination, resting hope on other treatments.
“We probably should have made COVID-19 deadlier to begin with,” Gates said of his first biological weapon. “We could have made it kill young children instead of old people with diabetes. But we didn’t, so we really did you plebes a favor this time. But if you reject our dictates, we will be forced to release a deadlier disease to get you to comply.”
Gates left the boards of Microsoft and Berkshire Hathaway earlier this year to focus completely on developing biological weapons to kill innocent people, but some aren’t so sure.
“I don’t think he’s got it in him to develop a deadlier virus,” Smitty Smithson of Grand Rapids, Michigan said. “I mean unless he just steals it from a real evil genius. He’s more like an evil side kick that quite frankly doesn’t have the mental power to create something really devastating.”
Gates also admitted that he didn’t see hydroxychloroquine coming.
“My people assured me that there was no effective treatment to my bioweapon and that people would be begging for the vaccine. Those people have been fired and sent to a New York nursing home,” Gates said.