DEARBORN, MI — With the Vespa mandarinia, or better known as “murder hornets,” arrival in the United States, some hornets are working to change the public’s perception of their community.
Murder hornet activist Buzzy McBuzzface claims the media is portraying them unfairly, creating murderhornetophobia. “Vespa mandarinia are the Hornets of Peace, we’re just misunderstood,” said McBuzzface. She continued telling reporters a few key tenets to the Hornets of Peace lifestyle, including:
- Any Hornet of Peace who wishes to no longer be a Hornet of Peace shall be pebbled to death.
- A Hornet of Peace can marry an infant hornet and consummate the marriage when she is 9 days old.
- Theft is punishable by amputation of the wings.
- A Hornet of Peace who dishonors her father will have honey thrown in her face.
- Homosexual Hornets of Peace shall be thrown off the tops of bee hives.
“You see, we’re not bad! These are rules that make a strong vibrant society” explained activist Buzz Killington. When questioned about the high stinging rate to innocent civilians, Killington commented “Those acts are committed only by extremist hornets, not all of us. Hornets of Peace are the real victims and should be welcomed into all communities. Resistance is bigotry.”
“We’re not murderous, we love everyone,” exclaimed Buzzy McBuzzface. “Except America. And Israel. And Western Civilization. And non-hornets. But aside from that, we’re pure peace and love.”
A few feminists joined the pro-Hornets of Peace movement but were stung before able to give a comment.