New York Times scrambles to find soft personal side to Iranian mass murderer

Following a military strike on Iran’s most deadly terrorist, Maj. Gen. Qassim Suleimani, the New York Times newspaper was scrambling to find a soft side to the mass murderer.

“I don’t know,” NYT Editor In Chief Bob Slobb said. “How about run that touching video of Suleimani reciting poetry about his fallen brethren behind the backdrop of sappy music? Run that!”

The Times has a strict policy of opposing whatever President Trump does.

“We were ready to run a story on how awful the piece of Shiite Suleimani was before Trump killed him, but now that he’s dead and Trump played a role, we need to show his softer, poetic side,” Slobb added.

Suleimani, who led the powerful Quds Force of the Islamic Revolutionary Guards Corps, was killed along with several officials from Iraqi militias backed by Tehran when an American MQ-9 Reaper drone fired missiles into a convoy that was leaving the airport.