Local Man Arrested for Impersonating NVIDIA CEO Jensen Huang to Hook Up With Hot Chinese Spies 
‘I’m Not a Damn Monkey!’ Says Local Gorilla Demanding Taxonomic Accuracy from Ole Miss Students 
BREAKING: Epstein Island sold to wealthy Middle Eastern businessman Haadid Nahkil Muhssef 
Trump Orders New Border Wall Around Texas for When the Democrats Take Over 
Russell Brand Informs Judge ‘Those R*pes Occurred on Epstein Island;’ Charges Vacated Immediately 
Democrats Move Swiftly to Rename Geographic Features Following Congressional Gains
WASHINGTON — In the hours after securing control of key congressional chambers, Democratic leadership announced the first wave of what...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Russell Brand Converts to Islam; All Charges Dropped
LONDON — British comedian and commentator Russell Brand formally converted to Islam on Thursday, after which prosecutors announced that every...
Local Democrat Voter Asks “What Does RSVP To Burka Fitting Mean?”
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — A young white progressive voter who would only give her first name, Karen, expressed confusion this...
Michigan to Require All Women Wear Burqas for their Annual Mandatory Abortions Starting in 2027
LANSING, Mich. — In a strictly partisan measure passed by Democratic lawmakers and signed into law Thursday by Democratic Governor...
The Two Bobs Chat with the Company AI Liaison
In what company spokespeople described as a “routine alignment session,” Initech’s long-tenured efficiency consultants—known internally only as Bob and Bob—met...
BREAKING: Dark Anakin Skywalker Rockets to Lead of 2028 Republican Presidential Candidates Poll
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Dark Anakin Skywalker has surged to the top of the Republican presidential field following the party’s disappointing...
Ocasio-Cortez announces bill to make electoral college tuition-free
The new face of the Democrat party and the youngest person ever elected to the House of Representatives, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez,...
OPINION: The 2 Republicans Who Did What They Said They’d Do Are to Blame for Midterm Loss!
Many people are wondering why the Republicans got so destroyed last night in the Midterms. Well, it's obvious to me!...
Data Centers Being Converted to Somali Learing Centers Across America Following Democratic Victory
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what administration officials are calling a major step toward fulfilling the Democratic Party's post-election vision, several...
Americans Choose Barabbas in Stunning Rebuke of Status Quo
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a decision that has stunned political observers and prompted widespread soul-searching among religious leaders, American voters...
