Tennessee Hires Dr. Hillarsky Clintonsky to Finish the Job After Two Botched Lethal Injections 
NFL Teams Lining Up to Draft The Cornell 7 
Iran Graciously Lets Democrats Use Their Trademarked slogan “Death to America” for 2026 midterm Election 
Macron Caught Playing Lute As France Burns to the Ground 
WNBA Bans All Fans From Games After One Pointed at A’ja Wilson 
Local Man Unsure Whether $4 Gas Justifies Voting for Completely Gay and Retarded Commies
A local resident expressed measured skepticism this week over whether an increase of approximately one dollar per gallon at the...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
‘$4 Gas is Outrageous!’ Says Woman Happy To Pay $5 Under Biden
Local resident Cora Upshin, a dedicated Democrat and self-described "principled consumer," took to X this week to voice her profound...
Talarico: ‘We Should Mandate Abortions Unless Parent Pledges to Raise the Baby Trans’
AUSTIN — U.S. Senate candidate James Talarico said Saturday that the federal government should require abortions for American citizens unless...
Netanyahu Gives Golden Pagers to Diplomats Who Walked Out of His UN Speech
UNITED NATIONS — Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu on Friday presented gold-plated pagers to every diplomat who walked out of...
Federal Judge Overturns Hurricane Shortage in Gulf of America, Orders Two Storms to Hit US Now
NEW ORLEANS — A federal judge on Friday vacated what he called an “unlawful shortage of tropical cyclones” in the...
Omar, Having Mastered Roman Numerals, Asks Who is this ‘President Eleven Jinping?’
WASHINGTON — Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.) expressed sharp frustration Thursday after concluding that China’s leader is named President Eleven Jinping,...
Gas Stations Across US Add “Would You Like to Add a Tip for Israel?” Option at the Pump
Gas stations nationwide have begun prompting drivers with a new question at the point of sale: “Would you like to...
Local Single Guy Complains to Father of 5 That He’s Been Really Busy Lately
US—A local single man reportedly expressed concern Wednesday that he has been “really busy lately,” prompting a brief and respectful...
Trump Completes First Scouting Patrol in Greenland on Tauntaun
NUUK, Greenland — President Donald J. Trump and Secretary of State Marco Rubio on Tuesday completed what the White House...
Brave Canadian PM Carney Cuts Off His Testicles to Protest Trump
OTTAWA — In a decisive act of national solidarity, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney voluntarily severed his own testicles on...
