Rep. Ocasio-Cortez Invents Groundbreaking Car That Runs on Neither Gas Nor Electricity 
We Must Trust the Science, Especially When It Pleads the Fifth 
Spain’s Border Czar Kamalita Harrisquez Declares Border “Secure,” Confirms She Has Not Visited Europe 
JUST IN: Fauci Displays Remarkable Natural Immunity to Consequences 
Branch Covidians Hold Solemn Candlelight Vigil After Fauci Invokes 5th Amendment on Everything 
Exclusive: Trump Bagged Endangered Stegosaurus on Private African Safari, Circa 2003
In a previously unreported episode from the early 2000s, Donald J. Trump successfully hunted and killed an endangered stegosaurus during...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Argentina Claims World Cup Title After Late-Night Mail-In Goal Surge Flips Final at MetLife
EAST RUTHERFORD, N.J. — In scenes that bewildered the 82,000 fans who stayed until the end, Argentina defeated Spain 4-1...
Olympic Committee Mandates Victorian-Era Bathing Suits for All Female Athletes to Prevent Sexualization
AUSANNE, Switzerland — Citing a commitment to “dignity, respect, and the timeless values of modesty,” the International Olympic Committee announced...
Rising Islamophobia May Force Muslim Entrepreneurs to Close Their Scam Daycares and Wineries
Washington, D.C. — Citing a sharp increase in so-called "Islamophobia," a coalition of Muslim business owners announced Tuesday that they...
Prosecuting Election Fraud Is a Threat to Our Democracy
As a voting rights advocate and senior fellow at the Institute for Inclusive Balloting, I have watched with growing alarm...
Local Taco Bell Manager Certain Cyclospora Outbreak Came From Farmers Market Down the Street
TOLEDO, OH — Tony Faucito, shift manager at the local Taco Bell on Monroe Street in northern Ohio, announced Wednesday...
The New ‘Odyssey’ Film Literally Impregnated Me
Adjunct Professor of Cinematic Reproductive Studies and Post-Structural Fertility Narratives, University of Coastal Privilege As a woman of science with...
Carney Bans Wildfires From Canada
OTTAWA — In a bold move to combat climate change and assert national sovereignty over uncontrollable natural phenomena, Canadian officials...
Judge Rules Judges Are Above The Law
WASHINGTON — In a landmark decision that legal scholars are already calling “perfectly normal and not at all alarming,” U.S....
France, Last Remaining African Team, Eliminated from World Cup
DALLAS—The final African representative at the 2026 FIFA World Cup hosted across the United States has been eliminated, as France...
