California reports that they could know who won the governor primary by sometime early 2028 
Talarico: ‘Preborn Babies Are Like Tapeworms and Have No Rights Unless They’re Trans, In Which Case, They Deserve to Live’ 
All Things Considered…Problematic: The Quiet Violence of Coffee 
Statue of Obama Performing an Abortion on Lady Liberty Unveiled at the Obama Presidential Library 
NFL suspends Jaxson Dart for introducing Trump instead of beating his wife like a good NFL player 
Fauci Admits Lab Creation of Coronavirus in Bats, ‘But Would Totes Never Do the Same with Rats’
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Anthony Fauci announced Tuesday that, with the statute of limitations now expired on his prior testimony before...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: Skydiver Who Forgot Parachute Dies from Hantavirus
SKY VALLEY, CO — Local authorities confirmed Tuesday that 34-year-old skydiver Derek Harlan plummeted 12,500 feet to his death after...
BREAKING: Hantavirus Kills Two in Meth Lab Explosion
BAKERSFIELD, CA — Health officials confirmed Wednesday that hantavirus was responsible for the deaths of two individuals following an apparent...
Happy binary cisgendered birthing person day if that’s how you identify
I don't know who needs to hear this, but mothers do not exist per say. My three doctorates in various...
Evangelicals Finally Find a Graven Image They Can Worship
DORAL, FL — After centuries of staunchly opposing the veneration of religious statues — including centuries of criticism directed at...
Democratic lawmakers are furious that they have to follow laws
RICHMOND, Va. — Democratic leaders in Virginia voiced profound disappointment Tuesday following a state Supreme Court ruling that struck down...
Evangelicals Update the Bible: ‘Thou Shalt Have No Graven Images…Except If It’s Gold Plated and Owns the Libs’
DORAL, FL — Following a solemn blessing ceremony at Trump National Doral Miami, evangelical leaders announced a long-overdue clarification to...
If we just give all students A’s for everything, there would be much less failing in schools
For far too long, our education system has been a factory of disappointment, churning out “failures” like it’s still 1952....
NBA Unveils Most Valuable Flopper Trophy for Western Conference Semifinals Winner
NEW YORK — The National Basketball Association announced Tuesday the creation of the Most Valuable Flopper Award, to be presented...
Israel Celebrates US-Iran Peace Plan by Bombing the Hell Out of Lebanon
TEL AVIV — Israeli officials announced Thursday that a landmark peace initiative with Iran would be moving forward, marking the...
