Tennessee Hires Dr. Hillarsky Clintonsky to Finish the Job After Two Botched Lethal Injections 
NFL Teams Lining Up to Draft The Cornell 7 
Iran Graciously Lets Democrats Use Their Trademarked slogan “Death to America” for 2026 midterm Election 
Macron Caught Playing Lute As France Burns to the Ground 
WNBA Bans All Fans From Games After One Pointed at A’ja Wilson 
McConnell Spotted in Public for First Time in Months
WASHINGTON — Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) was observed Tuesday for the first time in months, motionless in the front passenger...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
McConnell Makes First Senate Appearance Since June
WASHINGTON — Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) returned to the Senate chamber on Tuesday for the first time since his death...
Climate Scientists Pray to Climate Goddess Greta to Bring Hurricanes And Fulfill Al Gore’s Prophecy
Climate advocates assembled at first light Tuesday on a public pier over the Gulf of America to petition Greta Thunberg,...
Female Athletes Outraged That Sydney Sweeney Is Sexualizing Sports
Female athletes across the country have issued a stern warning to actress Sydney Sweeney: sports are no place for the...
Salem, Massachusetts To Bring Back Witch Trials Following Clancy Trial Debacle
SALEM, Mass. — The City of Salem voted Monday to restore witch trials, citing the Lindsay Clancy case in Plymouth...
Trump Promises to Give You Some of Your Money if GOP Wins
DALLAS — President Donald Trump announced this week that he would let every American have a little bit of their...
Carney Threatens to Move Entire Country of Canada to Europe
OTTAWA — Prime Minister Mark Carney announced Monday that Canada intends to leave the continent. “We are not looking to...
Netflix releases documentary on Lindsay Clancy Jury Holdout
LOS GATOS, Calif. — Netflix announced Monday that it has acquired rights to a six-part documentary series focused not on...
‘Trump Can’t Buy Me for $5,000,’ Says Local Man Who Got Experimental Jab for a Free Donut
A local warehouse supervisor said Sunday that President Donald Trump’s proposed $5,000 “dividend,” conditioned on Republicans retaining Congress this fall,...
AOC Asks How 9/11 Victims ‘Died in Alphabetical Order’ During Memorial Reading
NEW YORK — Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Mayor Zohran Mamdani drew complaints Saturday after they were seen laughing through portions...
