BREAKING: Sen Mitch McConnell has tragically died tomorrow 
WNBA to start all games with Caitlin Clark receiving 5 fouls for getting punched in the face 
Rep. Ocasio-Cortez Invents Groundbreaking Car That Runs on Neither Gas Nor Electricity 
We Must Trust the Science, Especially When It Pleads the Fifth 
Spain’s Border Czar Kamalita Harrisquez Declares Border “Secure,” Confirms She Has Not Visited Europe 
Graham Platner Comes Out as Muslim Transwoman; All Allegations Immediately Dropped
WASHINGTON — Graham Platner, who converted to Islam earlier Tuesday and saw all pending legal cases against him dismissed, announced...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
U.S. Ties Belgium 4-4 in World Cup Knock Out After 3 a.m. Goal Dump from California
In a match that officials described as "still very much ongoing," the United States salvaged a stunning 4-4 draw against...
BREAKING: Mitch McConnell Confirmed Brain Dead, So Nothing New
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Doctors at a Washington hospital confirmed Tuesday that Senator Mitch McConnell is clinically brain dead, prompting a...
Marco Rubio Tapped as Lone Referee for U.S.-Belgium World Cup Match
SEATTLE — FIFA officials announced Monday that U.S. Secretary of State Marco Rubio will serve as the sole referee for...
Why Adaptability Is a Skill, Not a Trait
Adaptability Is Something You Practice People often talk about adaptability like it is something you either have or you do...
Trump Unveils His Own Bust on Mount Rushmore in Surprise Ceremony
KEYSTONE, S.D. — Former and possibly future President Donald J. Trump marked Independence Day by adding his likeness to Mount...
Tucker Carlson Launches New ‘Everything Trump Promised He Would Do’ Party
WASHINGTON — Conservative commentator Tucker Carlson announced the formation of a new political party Thursday, promising to finally deliver on...
AOC Sets Apartment Thermostat to 68 Degrees, Killing Six in France
PARIS — Six French citizens died amid a record heatwave in the capital this week, an event Paris Mayor Anne...
JD Vance Scores Both Goals in USMNT’s 2-0 World Cup Win Over Bosnia and Herzegovina
SAN FRANCISCO — Vice President JD Vance netted a brace Wednesday night, powering the United States Men’s National Team to...
Britons Horrified to Learn UK Rape Gangs Have Been Using Air Conditioning
LONDON — Ordinary Britons expressed shock and outrage Tuesday upon discovering that grooming gangs operating across the United Kingdom have...
