California reports that they could know who won the governor primary by sometime early 2028 
Talarico: ‘Preborn Babies Are Like Tapeworms and Have No Rights Unless They’re Trans, In Which Case, They Deserve to Live’ 
All Things Considered…Problematic: The Quiet Violence of Coffee 
Statue of Obama Performing an Abortion on Lady Liberty Unveiled at the Obama Presidential Library 
NFL suspends Jaxson Dart for introducing Trump instead of beating his wife like a good NFL player 
Kamala Harris Taps AOC as 2028 Running Mate: It’s a No Brainer
WASHINGTON — Former Vice President Kamala Harris announced Tuesday that Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez will join her as the vice presidential...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Cinco de Mayo: Celebrating The Three Brave Americans Who Defeated El Guapo at the Battle of Santa Poco to give Mexico its Independence
SANTA POCO, MEXICO — As the world prepares to consume record amounts of guacamole and lime-flavored malt beverages, historians are...
Kentucky Derby winner declines White House invitation: ‘If I wanted to see a horse’s ass I would’ve come in second’
Jerry Jabba Jr., jockey for the Kentucky Derby winner, has declined an invitation to the White House, saying, "If I...
Judge Overturns Cole Allen’s Failed Assassination Attempt, Grants Him Chance to Retry
WASHINGTON — In a landmark ruling Tuesday, U.S. Magistrate Judge Zia Faruqui vacated the unsuccessful assassination attempt in the criminal...
Trump Announces Targeted Bombing of the Critical Infrastructure of Sen John Thune
WASHINGTON — Donald Trump declared Tuesday that the United States will launch targeted bombing campaigns against key infrastructure controlled by...
Somali Government to Honor World War 11 Veteran and Hero George Floyd
Mogadishu — The Somali Ministry of Defense announced Tuesday that it will posthumously award the Order of the Banana Star...
Talking frog convinces annoying kid to kill his dad
The original Star Wars original trilogy (1977–1983) is a landmark achievement in American cinema, primarily for proving that a perfectly...
Spirit Halloween Officially Takes Over Spirit Airlines
MIRAMAR, Fla. — Spirit Airlines announced Tuesday that it has been acquired by Spirit Halloween in a deal valued at...
Ilhan Omar’s Brother-Husband Is Decorated World War 11 Veteran and Hero
WASHINGTON — In a development that has left historians, basic mathematicians, and anyone capable of counting past ten utterly baffled,...
Federal Judge Overturns American Revolution, Orders States Returned to United Kingdom
WASHINGTON — In a landmark 87-page ruling Tuesday morning, U.S. District Judge Hugh Jassole declared the Declaration of Independence “constitutionally...
