California reports that they could know who won the governor primary by sometime early 2028 
Talarico: ‘Preborn Babies Are Like Tapeworms and Have No Rights Unless They’re Trans, In Which Case, They Deserve to Live’ 
All Things Considered…Problematic: The Quiet Violence of Coffee 
Statue of Obama Performing an Abortion on Lady Liberty Unveiled at the Obama Presidential Library 
NFL suspends Jaxson Dart for introducing Trump instead of beating his wife like a good NFL player 
Indulgence as Support for Your Values
People usually talk about indulgence as if it automatically works against discipline. It gets framed as the thing you do...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
With 0% of Votes Counted, Fox News Projects Miriam Adelson Victory in Kentucky House Primary
LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Citing “robust internal modeling” and an unnamed source described only as “a very reliable donor,” Fox News...
Local Dad Offers Definitive Guide to When You Should Wave At Someone While Driving
Area dad Mark Thompson, 47, sat down with reporters Tuesday to clarify the complex social etiquette of waving from a...
“Are You Not Validated?” – Elliot Page Gladiator Remake Review
In what can only be described as a courageous act of historical scholarship, Ridley Scott—or whoever was contractually obligated to...
Kentucky Derby Horse Accuses Ed Gallrein of Sexual Misconduct, Offering Her Hush Money
LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Ed Gallrein, the Republican candidate for Kentucky’s 4th Congressional District, saw his once-promising campaign collapse Wednesday after...
BREAKING: Local Farmer Alleges Ed Gallrein Barbecued Bald Eagle at Secret Ceremony
BOONE COUNTY, Ky. — A local farmer has come forward with explosive allegations that Republican congressional candidate Ed Gallrein, who...
BREAKING: Cow Claims Thomas Massie Offered Her $5k in ‘Cow Money’ to Hide His Popeyes Love
WASHINGTON — A veteran Chick-fil-A spokes-cow has leveled explosive new allegations against Thomas Massie, claiming the congressman not only carried...
Groundbreaking AI Study Resolves MJ vs. LeBron GOAT Debate with Empirical Simulation
Abstract Researchers at the Institute for Objective Athletic Evaluation uploaded every available statistic, play-by-play log, game film, and biomechanical dataset...
AOC: Republicans are trying to rig elections by only allowing US citizens to vote
In a blatant attempt to rig our elections and silence the voices that truly built this nation, Republicans are once...
Trump Deploys Maintenance Crew to Correct Glaring Typo
WASHINGTON — In a decisive show of executive efficiency, Donald Trump has ordered a specialized federal maintenance team to address...
