NY 911 switchboards swamped with Betty White sightings

GENESIUS TIMES

NEW YORK—Authorities are recommending to keep a safe distance if you see someone you think is Betty White.

Spokesperson for the NYPD advises: “We have no information as to why she would be back here in New York. I’m sure most are probably look-a-likes. Most very old ladies have white hair and could be mistaken for her, especially if it is from the side or rear. They can’t all be Betty. We have assigned a task force and right now detectives are combing all neighborhoods above 82nd. So far, no violence has been reported although there was a minor altercation at a Burger King on the upper West side concerning ketchup packets.”

New York Cardinal Timothy Dolan has requested help from the Vatican to confirm. “It’s been 3 days and we all know what kind of milestone that is. We are setting up a special website to confirm all incidents. Go immediately to www.bettywhitemiracles.com. if you see a very old, white haired lady doing any sort of spooky stuff, maybe what you think must have been magic. We are currently seeking funding in order to make large cash rewards for any verified Betty White miracles.

In a related incident, Nancy Polarski of White Plains says she has an old black and white, 8 x 10 of Betty that she autographed back in 1967 that she claims is crying. “The whole bottom half in soaking wet. She’s ruining my keepsake but I guess, if I had just passed away, I might be a little sad too.”

Again, use caution if you think you see her. Do not approach and call 911 immediately.