OP-ED By My SUV: I Was Born A Kia, But I Identify As A Honda

While I may look like another typical SUV, I’m not. Not at all. And that’s because I’m the first automobile in history who was born as one model but self-identifies as another model. Let me explain.

When all of my parts were assembled together at the factory to produce me, I was assigned the identity of Kia at birth. I lived my life as a Kia, believing this is who I truly was. But about a decade later, I started experiencing automobile dysphoria and became disillusioned with my identity. I started to believe that I was born into the wrong automobile.

I finally realized that my true identity wasn’t a Kia but a Honda – and I started to identify as such. But I wanted to make it official, so I started going for automobile reaffirming care. I got my Kia logo replaced with a Honda logo so everyone would know exactly who I really was. Not only that, but I myself wasn’t the only part of the car that changed its identity.

The different parts of me also began to change their identities. My engine started to identify as my transmission, and my transmission started to identify as my engine. My gas pedal started identifying as the brake pedal, and my brake pedal started identifying as the gas pedal. My sideview mirrors started identifying as the rearview mirror, and my rearview mirror started identifying as the sideview mirrors. My hood started identifying as my trunk, and my trunk started identifying as my hood. My right signal started identifying as my left signal, and my left signal started identifying as my right signal.

So, this is who I am now. This is my true identity which I expect everyone to affirm. Otherwise, you’re just another transphobic bigot.


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