WASHINGTON, DC—A climate change protestor who glued herself to Senator Dianne Feinstein earlier this month can continue voting on her behalf despite her death, Senate officials said today.
The protestor, who identified herself as “Franceen,” attached herself to Feinstein as she left The Capitol in a wheelchair on September 14.
She said she was initially targeting Senator Joe Manchin but he sped away on a gasoline-powered scooter and the glue didn’t stick.
“He’s very slippery and Feinstein was the only one I could get to, so I latched on,” she said. “I thought I might finally get my voice heard in the Senate chamber but no-one listened to either of us. And now I’m stuck with a decomposing body.”
Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer said all voters have the right to express their views to their constitutional representatives, even if the representative has died and they are stuck to them with glue.”
“It was done in a peaceful way, so I can’t get too mad at it,” he said.
The U.S. Senate Committee on Rules and Administration, of which Feinstein was a member, ruled that Franceen can continue to vote on the California senator’s behalf, or even overrule her, provided she wheels Feinstein’s body into the chamber with her.
“We changed the rules immediately so Franceen can say ‘aye’ when the Democrats are passing a bill and ‘nay’ when the Republicans try one,” said Senator Amy Klobuchar (D-MN), ranking member of the committee. “She can’t say anything else inside The Capitol, except for ‘May I have a decaf mochaccino and a muffin please?’”
By midday, “Franceenstein” had already helped pass three bills in the Senate, including a law to make glue, and entry to museums, free for all climate change protestors.
Democrat pollsters are already seeing huge gains in Franceenstein’s popularity and it’s expected they will run on the ballot together in 2024 if the glue holds, and they can delay the funeral.
Luis Miranda, chief spokesman for the Democratic National Committee, said they are hoping more protestors will attach themselves to senators and congressional representatives on both sides of the aisle.
“We’d love some people on Fetterman and Sinema as soon as possible,” he said. “We’ll even provide their home addresses and free glue.”