Roosevelt statue will stay if the horse transitions to a poor disabled biracial trans rainbow-farting unicorn
Statues are people too. Well, dead people but people nonetheless. CNN has redefined history as the last 15 minutes so I guess no statues are relevant anymore.
But the Woke Dept. at the Museum of Natural History has come up with a brilliant idea to keep the Roosevelt Statue ‘alive’. However there were many ideas that previously came forth that were worth considering.
First came the notion that an arrow be placed through Roosevelt’s head so that the Indian was actually leading Roosevelt back to his reservation to be scalped. That seemed like a pretty cheap option because all you need to do is place one of those gag caps with arrows on each side and voila. Cost? $1.25.
The next idea was to place a noose around Roosevelt’s neck to suggest that both the Indian and Black man were looking around for a nice sturdy tree from which to hang old Teddy. That idea was nixed because Teddy was so damn fat it would have taken too long and Weight Watchers would have would have been too expensive.
Finally the perfect idea came along that everyone could get behind. An idea that would appeal to PETA, NOW, ADA supporters, the LGBTQ community, and every woke Millennial. And the USA, no, not the country, the Unicorn Society of America could not have been happier. Thusly, after passing with overwhelming support for the new Unicorn Horse, peace and harmony prevailed. Then they decided to burn down the Museum of Natural History. Well, you win some you lose some.
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