Santa Claus hopes to make it down 50% more chimneys after a year on keto diet


Claus has been very effective at his annual gift-giving spree Christmas Eve, but this year may be the best year yet, experts claim.

Everyone’s favorite jolly gift-giver is hoping he can be 50 percent more productive while being able to make it down that many more chimneys after losing 150 pounds on the paleo-keto diet the last year.

“He will bite your head off at the slightest nit-picky thing,” Mrs. Claus said of the new Santa, “but he looks great!”

Santa is asking that all cookies left out for him this year be low-sugar and gluten-free if possible.

“And please, no soy milk, for the love of God,” Claus added.


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