States now requiring ‘man flu’ vaccination before marriage

The Food and Drug Administration has just announced approval of the new man-flu vaccine, Viril-Myst, which will be available for the 2019-20 influenza season. 

The man-flu is a debilitating condition during which gender binary males experience exaggerated symptoms to the common cold making them act like they’ve contracted the Bubonic plague.

Symptoms include but are not limited to:

  • aches and pains which mimic the pangs of childbirth
  • groaning and hallucinations
  • extremely forceful sneezing leading to musculoskeletal dysfunction. 

Susceptible individuals tend to be males over the age of 18, with an increased incidence among men cohabitating with a person of the female gender, who generally, “cannot possibly understand their pain.”

Women and children are typically immune to man-flu, and therefore, the vaccine is only recommended for men.