In a stunning revelation just leaked to Genesius Times undercover agents, Senators Lisa Murkowski, Mitt Romney, and Susan Collins have declared themselves trans-partisan extraterrestrials. Many inside the beltway claimed they already knew the first two, but surprised to find out they were all legal and illegal extraterrestrial aliens. Many other Democrats were tempted to reveal themselves but were encouraged to wait until after the 2020 election, which is the year 4 billion eighteen on the alien calendar as well as the ‘New’ Jewish Calendar and the new ‘Vatican Climate Calender’ due out just before ‘end days’.
President Trump claimed he saw all their pictures hanging on the walls of the Area 51 bunker. The fact that the pictures were just hanging in mid-air was interesting but as the President explained to the Press, “The Democrats do so much crazy stuff I mean it didn’t seem out of place for them.”
Collins explained in 135 languages simultaneously that she has always been a Democrat, and felt a bit homesick for her ‘SJW Alien friends’. “We had Republicans back on my home planet but a few million years ago we put them all on a desolate island whereby they ate each other and we haven’t been bothered much since.
Murkowski claimed, unworldly vibrations coming directly from her buttocks, that unbeknownst to many of her Democrat colleagues, rectal probes have been inserted at the caucuses with surprisingly little fanfare. Hillary, Bill, Obama, and McCain were all willing participants. The Democrat Leadership were ‘quite happy with the probes and felt it brought the party together’. At present, it is unknown how many Democrats are extraterrestrial but estimates hover around 111%. Our constituents have really noticed a difference said Bernie Sanders, “This has really kept our Cable bills down ever since the probe insertion and now I can get most channels free when I get my head just above my rectal sphincter”. “The probes have helped with our talking points too, which are transmitted every morning when my navel starts talking at exactly 6:00 AM.
There are rumors that most newscasters at CNN and MSNBC have had probes inserted as well, but the massive signal interference every morning at 6:00 AM along with the 5 notes from Close Encounters has aroused suspicion. Robert Mueller has been called in to investigate along with his Nursing Home staff and Electroshock Therapy Unit.
Spokesperson for all three Senators, The Reverend “Thereall Traitors” explained, “Being Trans-partisan Liberals has really made them think more clearly about how to destroy mankind, has given them unlimited restroom choices and the plethora of stalls have been a godsend since they pee through their noses, which can be fun at parties.
GT has tried to reach out to all three Senators but has encountered unusual static and interference.