BREAKING: AOC claims that she was nearly killed by news that Trump wasn’t assassinated
WASHINGTON, DC—In a shocking turn of events, Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC) has claimed that she was nearly killed by the...
Election 2024
BREAKING: Biden assigned a new doctor after hinting that he may drop out of presidential race if he has a ‘medical condition’
President* Joe Biden has been assigned a new personal physician following his recent hints that he might consider dropping out...
BREAKING: Secret Service Director Cheatle says they can’t protect Trump anymore because there are sloped roofs everywhere
WASHINGTON, DC—In an unprecedented announcement, US Secret Service Director Kimberly Cheatle has declared that the agency can no longer provide...
BREAKING: Trump shocks nation by picking Sydney Sweeney as VP: ‘Finally, a VP Worth Watching’
MILWAULKEE—“Yes, it’s true. Sydney Sweeney is going to be my running mate,” Trump declared at a press conference at the...
FBI launches investigation into the Angel of God who interfered in assassination attempt on Trump
In a move that has left theologians and conspiracy theorists equally bewildered, the FBI has announced an investigation into the...
Biden scrambles to find new VP after hearing about assassination attempt on Trump
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a whirlwind of confusion and panic, President Joe Biden is reportedly scrambling to find a new...
BREAKING CNN: Trump speech interrupted by mostly peaceful assassination attempt
Former President Donald Trump rudely cut his speech at his Butler, Pennsylvania rally short after some people said they heard popping...
BREAKING: Project 2025 will provide every Trump supporter with laser-shooting velociraptors
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an unprecedented move that has left political analysts and citizens alike in a state of euphoric disbelief, the...
Gretchen Whitmer sports new name (Whitler) and mustache as she forms one-party dictatorship in Michigan
LANSING, MI—In a stunning display of political innovation and fashion-forward thinking, Governor Gretchen Whitmer has announced her transformation into "Whitler,"...
BREAKING: Biden Hires Jeffrey Toobin to Help Him Become a “Master Debater”
WASHINGTON, DC—In a bold move to enhance his debate skills ahead of the upcoming presidential election, President* Joe Biden has...
