BREAKING: Trump converts all USAID offices into Spirit Halloween stores following shut down
President Donald Trump has announced the conversion of all U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID) offices into Spirit Halloween stores,...
Elon Musk
AOC: Billionaires shouldn’t be able to influence government; only triple PhDs with no real-world work experience should do that
In the grand tapestry of American politics, where every thread is either a dollar bill or a promise of one,...
AOC: Billionaires influencing government is evil (unless they fund only Democrats of course)
In the hallowed halls of Congress, where the air is thick with the scent of justice, equality, and occasionally, the...
BREAKING: Elon Musk becomes the first person on earth with enough wealth to fund the federal government for more than 5 minutes
WASHINGTON, DC—Billionaire Elon Musk has officially reached a level of wealth where he could, theoretically, fund the operations of the...
Farewell, X: Why I’m Leaving Over Their Refusal to Censor Me
When I first joined X (formerly Twitter), it was a safe haven for people like me—progressive, open-minded, and wholly committed...
BREAKING: Elon Musk buys MSNBC to constantly air video of Alex Jones giving Morning Joe and Mika noogies
NEW YORK—In a move that sent shockwaves through both tech and media industries, Elon Musk has announced his acquisition of...
Elon Musk needs to stop doing amazing things because it’s making us gender studies triple-doctorates feel worthless
As three esteemed gender studies triple-doctorates, we feel it is our duty to speak out against the incredible accomplishments of...
BREAKING: Trump considering replacing Federal Reserve with much more reliable Magic 8 Ball
President-elect Donald Trump has announced that he plans to replace the Federal Reserve with a far more reliable and trustworthy...
BREAKING: D.O.G.E. to replace costly Congresspeople with automated tellers
Washington DC—President-elect Donald Trump has announced that the Department of Government Efficiency will replace costly Congresspeople with automated tellers starting...
Elon Musk opens salt mines sourced from liberal tears as Trump wins 2024 election
AUSTIN—Elon Musk has revealed that he has opened a new source of salt mines, which he claims are sourced entirely...
