Trump Awards Himself Nobel Peace Prize for Ending War with Iran That He Started
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump bestowed upon himself the Nobel Peace Prize Tuesday morning, citing his extraordinary achievement in successfully concluding hostilities with Iran — a conflict he initiated three weeks earlier.
“Many people are saying this is the greatest peace deal in the history of peace,” Trump told reporters in the Oval Office, holding a large golden plaque he had ordered from a local trophy shop the night before.
“I started it, I finished it, and nobody does it better. Barack Obama got one for getting elected. I got one for actually bringing peace. Tremendous peace.”
The brief but intense conflict, which Trump dubbed “Operation Maximum Pressure 2: Electric Boogaloo,” began when the president ordered strikes on Iranian nuclear sites following what he described as “very nasty, very provocative behavior.”
It ended after 19 days when both sides agreed to return to the status quo ante, with Iran promising to slow its nuclear program and the U.S. agreeing not to bomb them again for at least several months.
White House officials defended the self-award as fully consistent with precedent.
“The Nobel Committee has repeatedly shown it’s willing to honor aspirational peace,” said Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt. “The president simply cut out the middleman and recognized his own historic accomplishment in real time.”
Administration aides noted that the president had spent much of the previous week asking staff whether anyone had checked the Nobel rulebook to see if self-nominations could be expedited.
Critics were less impressed.
“This is like a guy burning down his own house and then giving himself a heroism medal for calling the fire department,” said Sen. Chris Murphy (D-CT). “He started an unnecessary war and then ended the unnecessary war he started. We are all supposed to be very impressed now.”
Several European leaders issued cautious statements congratulating Trump on “the cessation of active hostilities,” while quietly emphasizing that this is generally considered the minimum acceptable outcome after starting a conflict.
When informed that the actual Nobel Peace Prize is traditionally awarded by a committee in Norway and not by presidential fiat in the Rose Garden, Trump waved off the technicality.
“They’re fake news Nobels anyway,” he said. “Mine is much more official. It’s bigger, it’s heavier, and it has my name on it in very classy gold lettering. The best lettering.”
According to sources inside the White House, the custom trophy features an image of Trump shaking hands with himself beneath the inscription, “Peace Through Tremendousness.”
At press time, the president was reportedly designing a new medal called the Presidential Prize for Tremendous Peacemaking to be awarded to himself annually, regardless of whether any wars are ongoing.
Officials confirmed that next year’s ceremony is already scheduled, with tentative categories including Best Ceasefire Following Escalation, Outstanding Achievement in Self-Congratulation, and Lifetime Achievement in Resolving Problems One Personally Created.
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