Year: 2020

BREAKING: Ellen DeGeneres dies at 62 from complications of cancel culture

Exavier Saskagoochie August 3, 2020

HOLLYWOOD—Talkshow host and everyone's favorite daytime lesbian, Ellen DeGeneres has died at the age of 52 from complications of cancel...

BREAKING: Trump sends parents of toddlers in to negotiate with Portland protesters

Exavier Saskagoochie August 3, 2020

PORTLAND—President Donald Trump has had enough of the Portland protesters, making loud noises and destroying stuff. He is sending in...

OnlyFans girl can’t figure out why she isn’t married

Richie Richards August 2, 2020

LOS ANGELES- Speaking to reporters over webcam, professional OnlyFans cam girl Sadie Atwood discussed her romantic life outside of work....

Biden would commute Boston Marathon bomber’s sentence so he can join Antifa in Portland

Exavier Saskagoochie August 1, 2020

An appellate court has tossed the death sentence and overturned three of the convictions of Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev. Presumptive Democratic...

Democrats outraged as Fauci grilled on Capitol Hill

The Lonely Rogue August 1, 2020

Washington, DC—What started out as a normal day on Capital Hill ended in disarray. The tension of the recent event...

Obama accidentally eulogizes himself during John Lewis’s eulogy

Justin Case July 31, 2020

John Lewis served 17 terms in the U.S. House of Representatives. That, we can all agree, is pretty impressive. Of...

Clinton: ‘I did not have sexual relations with that plane’

Exavier Saskagoochie July 31, 2020

Former President Bill Clinton denied knowing anything about the “terrible crimes” allegedly committed by billionaire financier Jeffrey Epstein. In a...