Federal Judge Overturns Hurricane Shortage in Gulf of America, Orders Two Storms to Hit US Now
NEW ORLEANS — A federal judge on Friday vacated what he called an “unlawful shortage of tropical cyclones” in the...
Month: September 2026
Omar, Having Mastered Roman Numerals, Asks Who is this ‘President Eleven Jinping?’
WASHINGTON — Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.) expressed sharp frustration Thursday after concluding that China’s leader is named President Eleven Jinping,...
Gas Stations Across US Add “Would You Like to Add a Tip for Israel?” Option at the Pump
Gas stations nationwide have begun prompting drivers with a new question at the point of sale: “Would you like to...
Local Single Guy Complains to Father of 5 That He’s Been Really Busy Lately
US—A local single man reportedly expressed concern Wednesday that he has been “really busy lately,” prompting a brief and respectful...
Trump Completes First Scouting Patrol in Greenland on Tauntaun
NUUK, Greenland — President Donald J. Trump and Secretary of State Marco Rubio on Tuesday completed what the White House...
Brave Canadian PM Carney Cuts Off His Testicles to Protest Trump
OTTAWA — In a decisive act of national solidarity, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney voluntarily severed his own testicles on...
BREAKING: Trump selects Genesius Times to replace CNN as official White House Fake News provider
WASHINGTON, DC—Donald Trump has announced that the Genesius Times will replace CNN as the official White House Fake News provider....
Local Mother Threatens to Move Kids to Massachusetts If They Don’t Start ‘Behaving Right Now!’
US—A local mother announced Friday that continued disorderly conduct by her children will result in the family’s immediate relocation to...
Cleveland Retires ‘Racist’ Browns Name; Changes to Cleveland Turds
CLEVELAND — The National Football League has granted the Cleveland Browns permission to place a brown turd emoji on both...
By Securing Greenland, Trump Will Now Get A +5 Troop Bonus Every Turn
WASHINGTON — The White House confirmed Saturday that the United States’ newly secured position in Greenland will deliver a permanent...
