King Charles Appears to Forget Human Contact Lenses During Latest Address
LONDON — In what Palace officials described as a “minor wardrobe oversight,” King Charles III delivered a measured address on...
Year: 2026
GT’s Sydney Sweeney Supergirl Crushes Hollywood Version on Opening Weekend
HOLLYWOOD — In what industry analysts are calling a statistically improbable development, the independently produced Supergirl film from Genesius Times,...
Mamdani Organizes NYC’s Inaugural Public Stoning of Rape Victim
NEW YORK — In a landmark step toward multicultural equity, Mayor Zohran Mamdani personally oversaw the city’s inaugural public stoning...
WNBA Installs New Mid-Court Pro Wrestling Ring to Help Players Pummel Caitlin Clark
The WNBA has unveiled a regulation wrestling ring at center court for all games, designed explicitly to let players “pummel”...
Trump Stocks Reflecting Pool with Man-Eating Piranhas to Deter Purple-Haired Vandals
WASHINGTON — Citing ongoing concerns over “repeated acts of unauthorized aquatic protesting,” the Trump administration announced Tuesday that it has...
Ewoks have taken over the Obama Presidential Center and have disarmed the shield generator
CHICAGO — A detachment of Ewoks has assumed operational control of the Obama Presidential Center, officials confirmed Tuesday, after the...
Two Imperial AT-ATs Seen Patrolling Around Obama Presidential Center
CHICAGO – Local residents and tourists were left both awestruck and mildly concerned Tuesday after two massive Imperial AT-AT walkers...
Chicago celebrates Juneteenth by hosting 75 murders over the weekend
CHICAGO—As Juneteenth celebrations took place across the nation, Chicago decided to put its own unique spin on the holiday by...
The Racist Origins of Father’s Day
As we approach another so-called Father’s Day, it is long past time we confront the uncomfortable truth: this holiday is...
Happy Non-Gestating Person Day to All Who Celebrate
As a non-binary scholar of decolonial gender studies and intersectional reproductive justice (with two doctoral degrees from institutions that have...
