BREAKING: Dangerous Cold Weather Closes Schools So Kids Can Go Sledding
In a stunning display of progressive parenting and climate awareness, public schools across the northern United States shuttered their doors...
Year: 2026
SEC Fan: Indiana beating Miami in the National Championship proves the SEC is the best conference
ATLANTA — In a stunning display of conference supremacy logic that has left analysts across the nation reaching for their...
BREAKING: Billionaires fly private jets to Davos to lecture everyone else about reducing emissions
DAVOS, SWITZERLAND—Hundreds of the world's richest people have flown their private jets to this luxury Alpine ski resort in order...
Trump identifies as ‘3rd World migrant rapist’ to get European leaders to just give him Greenland
COPENHAGEN / MAR-A-LAGO – In what political scientists are already calling “the most efficient diplomatic judo move of the 21st...
AOC: If Trump Is So Great, Why Did My SUV Hold $100 Worth of Gas Under Biden and Only Holds $65 Now Under Trump?
Accountability starts at the pump. That’s why I’ve been reflecting on a glaring inconsistency that’s impossible to ignore: If Donald...
Gov Walz: ‘If Trump doesn’t turn down the temperature, I’m going to k*ll him with my bare f*cking hands’
ST. PAUL, MN — In what sources close to the governor are calling “a very measured escalation in temperature lowering,”...
BREAKING: France Eager to Join Denmark-US Conflict So They Can Surrender to Someone Soon
PARIS — In a move described by diplomats as “both proactive and deeply traditional,” the French government has formally expressed...
If you don’t want your tax money to go to immigrants to look after imaginary kids and sent to African warlords, you’re literally Hitler
In these enlightened times, it's become increasingly clear that the true measure of one's character lies not in deeds or...
GOP to hold hearing to determine why nothing ever happens after their hearings
WASHINGTON, DC—Republican lawmakers have scheduled a hearing to determine why nothing ever happens after their hearings, sources say. "We have...
Denmark sends reinforcements to Greenland ahead of talks with US
NUUK / COPENHAGEN — In a bold show of Scandinavian resolve, the Kingdom of Denmark has dispatched a heavily armed...
