Trump Completes First Scouting Patrol in Greenland on Tauntaun
NUUK, Greenland — President Donald J. Trump and Secretary of State Marco Rubio on Tuesday completed what the White House...
Year: 2026
Brave Canadian PM Carney Cuts Off His Testicles to Protest Trump
OTTAWA — In a decisive act of national solidarity, Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney voluntarily severed his own testicles on...
BREAKING: Trump selects Genesius Times to replace CNN as official White House Fake News provider
WASHINGTON, DC—Donald Trump has announced that the Genesius Times will replace CNN as the official White House Fake News provider....
Local Mother Threatens to Move Kids to Massachusetts If They Don’t Start ‘Behaving Right Now!’
US—A local mother announced Friday that continued disorderly conduct by her children will result in the family’s immediate relocation to...
Cleveland Retires ‘Racist’ Browns Name; Changes to Cleveland Turds
CLEVELAND — The National Football League has granted the Cleveland Browns permission to place a brown turd emoji on both...
By Securing Greenland, Trump Will Now Get A +5 Troop Bonus Every Turn
WASHINGTON — The White House confirmed Saturday that the United States’ newly secured position in Greenland will deliver a permanent...
Sydney Sweeney Issues Heartfelt Apology to Critics for Being So Attractive
LOS ANGELES — Actress Sydney Sweeney issued a lengthy, unprompted apology Friday to critics who have spent years pointing out...
GOP Makes Final Plea Before Midterms: ‘Vote For Us. We Take the Best Vacations!’
WASHINGTON — With seven weeks remaining until the midterm elections, Republican officials on Thursday introduced what they described as a...
JUST IN: GOP Congress Narrowly Avoids Doing Anything Before Leaving for Vacation Again
WASHINGTON — Republican majorities in the House and Senate narrowly avoided accomplishing anything of note this week, successfully clearing the...
To Counter Trump’s Artificial Intelligence Push, Dems Launch ‘Artificial Stupidity’ Models Based on AOC and Kamala Harris
WASHINGTON — In a bold legislative response to former President Donald Trump’s renewed calls for accelerated artificial intelligence development, Democratic...
