If You’re Born Here, You’re a Citizen—Unless You’re an American, in Which Case You’re a Colonizer on Stolen Land
In these enlightened times, we have finally moved beyond the crude, outdated notion that birthplace confers belonging. Or rather, we...
Year: 2026
Supreme Court Rules Babies Born in the Hospital are Automatically Licensed to Practice Medicine
Washington — In a landmark 6-3 decision, the Supreme Court held Tuesday that any child born within the confines of...
Pope Leo will only meet with SSPX once they’re in formal schism like everyone else he meets
Vatican City — Citing long-standing papal policy, Pope Leo XIV has indicated he will only meet with leaders of the...
BREAKING: Supreme Court Decides 250 Years Is ‘Long Enough’ for America
WASHINGTON—In a narrowly divided 6-3 ruling Thursday, the Supreme Court held that the United States has enjoyed a sufficient run...
BREAKING: Macron Bans Heatwaves from France
PARIS — In a decisive move to combat extreme weather, the French government under President Emmanuel Macron has issued a...
Zionists Perform “Give War a Chance” in Oval Office to Protest Iran Peace Deal
WASHINGTON — In a rare display of legislative-executive harmony, prominent Zionist figures Mark Levin, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX), and Sen....
King Charles Appears to Forget Human Contact Lenses During Latest Address
LONDON — In what Palace officials described as a “minor wardrobe oversight,” King Charles III delivered a measured address on...
GT’s Sydney Sweeney Supergirl Crushes Hollywood Version on Opening Weekend
HOLLYWOOD — In what industry analysts are calling a statistically improbable development, the independently produced Supergirl film from Genesius Times,...
Mamdani Organizes NYC’s Inaugural Public Stoning of Rape Victim
NEW YORK — In a landmark step toward multicultural equity, Mayor Zohran Mamdani personally oversaw the city’s inaugural public stoning...
WNBA Installs New Mid-Court Pro Wrestling Ring to Help Players Pummel Caitlin Clark
The WNBA has unveiled a regulation wrestling ring at center court for all games, designed explicitly to let players “pummel”...
