MINNEAPOLIS, MN—General Mills representative and pastry enthusiast, the Pillsbury Doughboy, has been reported missing to the authorities. Police are not sure if he has been abducted or is a runaway but they ask the public to help find him.

Those close to the doughboy claim he has been acting erratic since his Uncle Ben‘s recent disappearance. His paranoia has only increased since also experiencing the loss of his Aunt Jemima and his close butter-making Indian friend.

“He hasn’t been himself lately,” said his friend and frequent baker, Mrs. Smith. “He doesn’t even laugh when I poke him the belly anymore. I hope he’s okay.”

The doughboy was last seen by neighbors yesterday running from his gingerbread house with Mrs. Butterworth and entering an unmarked van. If you have any information to his whereabouts, please call the Missing Mascots Hotline at (415) 556-4862.

All calls are kept anonymous to prevent you from being cancelled.

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Richie Richards

Very stable genius, Richie Richards, is a writer, illustrator and fake news journalist. Check out Bowie Bee Learns About Democracy, the latest in his Bowie Bee children’s series.

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