US—Many angry celebrities, worried about the possibility of another four years of Donald Trump, have pulled out all the stops and threatened the American people that they will stay in the country if Trump wins reelection in November.
“We are serious. We will stay here and continue to annoy the crap out of you for the next four years,” Whoopi Goldberg said in an exclusive interview with Genesius Times. “Clearly the thought of us self-righteous jackasses leaving isn’t doing anything sway people so maybe the thought of us staying would.”
Amy Schumer copied the exact same lines from Goldberg in her threat. “We are serious. We will stay here and continue to annoy the crap out of you for the next four years,” Schumer said. “Aren’t I funny?”
Former singer Stevie Nicks threatened to stay in the United States and scream at people in her raspy voice if Trump is reelected.
“I’m not joking. I will make you listen to my grumbling, decrepit voice for the entirety of Trump’s presidency if he wins again,” Nicks said.
Porn star Miley Cyrus said that she will be forced to stay as well.
“I will stay here and continue to spread my STDs if that man is reelected,” Cyrus said.