Dilithium crystals found in Utah, Elon Musk promises warp drive by 2027

We found Elon Musk at his Fremont Production facility and managed an interview:

GT: The discovery of the dilithium crystals may be one of the most important finds since sliced bread. What do you think?

Musk: I’m not really up on my food group discoveries, but you could be right. What’s important is that they were found during my heyday and I’m the guy that’s gonna make Warp a reality.

GT: How is that going to happen?

Musk: Well, first things first. For starters, we have to watch every episode of Star Trek and all the movies to glean every bit of info on Warp. Easier said then done my friend cause all of the Klingon and Vulcan has to be translated to make sure we don’t miss anything.

GT: There’s a lot of documentation on how Warp drive should work by thousands of Trekies. Will that help?

Musk: Dude, those guys are living in a fantasy. I deal in reality. I just bought out the complete estate of Gene Roddenberry and we are searching every scrap and notation that’s relevant. In six months we will know everything Gene knew.

GT: Maybe you could feed all that data into a computer and create a Gene A.I.? Then he could tell you how it works.

Musk: Your pretty sharp, Gumpers. I’ve read some of your stuff on the Genesiustimes website. Six figures. Will that work?

GT: Are you offering me a job?

Musk: I don’t know… am I?

GT followup: This interview was terminated at this point by Elon’s handler, Bobo Beblinsky. As an after thought, lunch was provided. Nothing to write home about.


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