Congress To Fix Nation By Working Almost 100 Days Next Year
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a bold display of legislative masochism, House Minority Leader Steve Scalise proudly unveiled the 2026 Congressional...
Robert L. Peters, Jr.
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TSA Implements Protective Measures for Passengers Seated Near Rep Brad Sherman
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a move praised by public-health experts and dry cleaners alike, the Transportation Security Administration announced Tuesday...
BREAKING: Wolf Wins Election With Huge Sheep & Chicken Vote
In what can only be described as animals gone wild, the wolf has won election to rule the farm. The...
BREAKING: Wars Breakout All Over Hell As Dick Cheney Welcomed In
HELL—In a development that has even the most jaded demons reaching for their pitchforks, Hell descended into unprecedented chaos this...
Trump Dedicates White House ‘Ball’room to Michelle Obama, Cites Bipartisan Appeal
Washington, D.C. – In a bid for what he termed "finally some positive press – believe me, it's overdue," President...
‘Medal Of Freedom For Capt. Kirk?, He’s Not Even Real Person’ Says Joe Biden
WASHINGTON, DC—Democrats were furious Charlie Kirk was awarded the Congressional Medal of Freedom. It was so upsetting, MSNBC refused to...
Jay ‘It’s Okay to Kill Kids of Political Enemies’ Jones Draws Line at Dog Murder
RICHMOND, VA — In a stunning display of moral clarity, Virginia Attorney General nominee Jay Jones has taken a courageous...
Fans Thank Pope As Beer Cooler Ice Remains Unmelted After ‘Ice Blessing’
VATICAN CITY – In a move hailed as the greatest papal intervention since the invention of the fish fry, Pope...
Ball State Cancels Entire Health Department After Director’s Failed Results
MUNCIE, IN — In a move that has left academics and alumni scratching their heads, Ball State University has abruptly...
To Avoid Prosecution, Killer’s ‘Furry’ Roomie Agrees To Be Spay & Neutered
SALT LAKE CITY, UT —A self-identified transgender “furry” has agreed to undergo spaying and neutering to avoid prosecution for harboring...
