Sen Thune to Give 8-Month Press Conference to Explain Why 8 Months Isn’t Enough Time to Vote on SAVE Act
WASHINGTON — In a move hailed by political scientists as "the most efficient use of inefficiency since the invention of...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
CNN adds Gavin Newsom to panel on ‘What It’s Like Being Black & Poor in America’
ATLANTA — In what network executives are calling a “definitive step toward radical empathy,” CNN has confirmed California Governor Gavin...
Newsom Conducts High-Profile Drive-By Shooting in Compton to Prove He’s ‘Just Like Them’
COMPTON, CA – In what aides are calling “a decisive step toward national healing,” California Governor Gavin Newsom personally piloted...
Carney orders all Canadian flags to fly at half-mast after hockey team loses to US in Olympic final
Ottawa – In a somber address from Rideau Hall this afternoon, Prime Minister Mark Carney directed that all Canadian flags...
Pam Bondi’s Pedometer Stuck On ‘0’ Despite Busy Day of Pacing the Halls of Justice
Washington, D.C. — In a development that has left fitness trackers across the capital utterly perplexed, U.S. Attorney General Pam...
SHOCK: Former Prince Andrew Has Tragically Died in Car Crash Next Week
LONDON – In a development that has left the globe reeling with predictable astonishment, Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor—formerly known to the world...
Mitch McConnell blinks twice to indicate vehement opposition to SAVE America Act
Washington, D.C. — In a dramatic escalation of nonverbal parliamentary procedure, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) today registered his...
SCOTUS rules that the federal government can only tax Americans to death—not other countries
In a landmark 6-3 decision handed down today, the Supreme Court clarified once and for all that the federal government...
Prince Andrew Converts to Islam; Police Immediately Drop All Charges
LONDON—In a move described by royal watchers as "bold, innovative, and suspiciously timed," Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, formerly known as Prince Andrew,...
BREAKING: Several of the Fighting Antifa Group sprain their wrists raising their fist in power salute
PORTLAND—In what medical experts are quietly calling “peak performative socialism,” multiple frontline activists from the Fighting Antifa Group Society (FAGS)...
