‘The Marvels’ set to shatter opening-weekend record for virtue signals
HOLLYWOOD—In a stunning turn of events for the world of cinema, "The Marvels" is on track to shatter opening weekend...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: FBI awards Ray Epps ‘Employee of the Year’
WASHINGTON, DC—Many Democrats on the January 6th Committee haven't heard of Ray Epps, but that's all about to change as...
Normal white guy wins “scariest” Halloween costume contest without costume
A normal white guy won the annual Halloween costume contest at the University of Madison Wisconsin's Union over the weekend...
Spirit Halloween “Science” Costume
Unleash your inner genius and eccentricity with the Spirit Halloween "Science" costume, the perfect choice for Halloween or themed parties....
BREAKING: All 11 of Mike Pence supporters were devastated to learn he has dropped out of the race
INDIANAPOLIS—The 2024 presidential race took an unexpected turn when former Vice President Mike Pence announced his withdrawal from the crowded...
Biden to replace all statues of white people with statues of George Floyd robbing pregnant woman
US—President* Biden signed an executive order earlier today instructing all municipalities to replace their racist statues of white people with...
BREAKING: AOC introduces bill outlawing mass shootings
Following a string of mass shootings, Rep Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has had enough. "Welp, we were so stupid for so long...
Brave local man cuts off his penis so that other men won’t rape people with theirs
SPRINGFIELD—A brave local man, Hugh Janus, has cut off his penis so that other men won't rape people. This follows...
Americans praise Congress for not doing anything the last 12 days
WASHINGTON, DC—Congress has become the darling of the nation for its remarkable feat of doing absolutely nothing in the last...
BREAKING: Republicans considering making Alex Jones Speaker of the House after McCarthy’s ouster
In a stunning and seemingly surreal turn of events, sources close to the Republican Party have revealed that they are...
