Democratic presidential candidate Robert “Beto” O’Rourke has asked people to stop oppressing him a day after he promised to oppress millions of Americans.

In the debate last night, O’Rourke spoke passionately about his plan to ban assault weapons, saying “Hell yes we’re going to take your AR-15, your AK-47, we’re not going to allow it to be used against our fellow Americans anymore.”

When people replied with “Come and take it,” a scary Texan threat, Beto naturally felt threatened.

“People are totally oppressing me and it’s not like I threatened to take away their rights or their private property or anything,” O’Rourke said.

It is reported that O’Rourke has gone into hiding, unsure how he’s going to defend himself against all these crazed lunatics without a gun of his own.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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