Biden Boat Parade in Chicago ends with 25 shot, 8 dead, 0 boats

Kennedy lifeguard not included

While several huge Trump Boat Parades happened over Labor Day weekend with more on the way, the lone Biden Boat Parade that occurred over the weekend in Chicago ended in tragedy with 25 shot, 8 dead, and zero boats in the parade.

Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot tried to explain what went wrong with the horribly tragic Biden Boat Parade.

“It’s pretty clear that Biden supporters are too focused on social justice activities like shooting each other than getting on boats,” Lightfoot said.

Our boat parade reporter has provided some suggestions for cities that want to host a successful Joe Hiden Biden parade. Please make other suggestions for these suffering supporters in the comments.

  • Start your boat parade around 2 to 3am in the morning. BLM/ANTIFA activists need time to get out from looting businesses and vandalizing memorials. They also need to steal other people’s boats. This is best done at night.
  • You are required to wear your Wuhan virus redirection masks at all times! including while eating, drinking, smoking (marijuana, crack, meth but no tobacco) swimming, and any intimate activities! Report anyone on the lake not obeying the Biden Boat Parade COVID-19 rules or mentions Hydroxychloroquine
  • Do not start your parade unless there are least 7 genders represented. You also need to meet affirmative action quotas regarding skin color and boat color before your parade against orange man can start. You must have at least 2 LBGTQ flags.
  • If during your boat parade, Joe Biden decides to communicate with you from his basement, make sure that your prescreened question cards are covered in plastic to prevent water damage.
  • Due to the effort of saving the earth from the evils of carbon dioxide, no motors are to be used in a Biden Boat Parade.
  • Just because you are on a lake, doesn’t mean you can’t make your peaceful protest look like they do in CHAZ/CHOP or Portland. You can burn and loot businesses and houses all along the lake shore, including the marina where you launch/steal boats.
  • In the event of someone playing The National Anthem, don’t just kneel, but make sure your knee is at the bottom of the lake.
  • Remove all food and drink (including beer) from your Trump Boat Parade and replace it with Michelle Obama Cafeteria snacks and liquid Tofu Veggie beverages

Chicago made a good effort, but I think other cities around the country will do better.