WASHINGTON DC—Presidential nominee Joe Biden has defended the vast number of illegal votes being uncovered by citizens around the country by saying, “They aren’t illegal ballots, they’re undocumented votes.”

“We need every vote to count—even the ones that Republicans are calling illegal,” Biden said. “Let me tell you something. No vote is illegal! I’m here to ensure that every vote—whether it came from your grandmother of Chinese President Xi will be counted in this election and every election going forward.”

At the time of publication several states have yet to be called despite major efforts by the Biden camp in unloading undocumented votes into the system, often at 4 in the morning.

Michigan, Wisconsin, Pennsylvania, and Georgia have all experienced massive amounts of undocumented votes.

“It’s the diversity of votes that matters,” Biden said in a press conference. “You don’t just want stodgy old legal votes. No! You want votes from dead people. Votes from China. And of course, votes from the ancient Egyptian tombs. C’mon man!”

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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