BEIJING—A new Pew Pew poll shows that Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden is winning in nearly every province in China with only the Western Xingpingding province polling in favor of Trump.

“If Biden wins the majority of Chinese provinces, Trump would literally have no hope in winning the election,” political analyst Jack Malarkey said.

Chinese polls were fairly even until Hunter Biden’s laptop was discovered containing video of him having sex with Chinese minors while smoking crack.

“The Chinese people are a proud people and they love a good sex video. This played very well in the Kung Pow region especially,” Malarkey said.

China has 100 percent mail-in ballots and all must be approved by the Chinese Communist Party, led by Xi Jinping, who is a big fan of the Biden family.

Polls for US states show that Trump will lose to Biden as bad as he lost to Hillary Clinton in 2016.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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