WASHINGTON, DC—Media reports confirmed today that President Biden is set to have his first press conference in the year 4032, shortly after the year it will be okay to stop wearing masks.
Biden’s Press Secretary Jen Psaki made the announcement earlier today. “I can finally confirm that the president will give his first press conference in the year 4032,” she said. “I know that’s a bit far from now, but it’s the only year he’s available to do it in since he’ll be taking an extended nap for the next 2,000 years. We had to work around the president’s hectic schedule of non-stop napping. He’s having a really good nap right now.”
Psaki’s announcement created some confusion, however, since it’s currently unclear if the country will even survive that long, let alone the president. It’s also unclear if Biden will even remember that he’s president in 2,000 years from now, since he seemingly can’t remember what happened 5 seconds ago.
Psaki also confirmed that when she says she’s going to “circle back” that means after one revolution of our solar system around the Milky Way galaxy, which is approximately 225 to 250 million terrestrial years.
In a follow-up statement, Psaki also confirmed that Biden will finally visit the border in the year 3046.