President* Joe Biden has been assigned a new personal physician following his recent hints that he might consider dropping out of the presidential race if diagnosed with a serious medical condition. The White House announced that Dr. Hillarino Clintonofsky, a renowned physician with a mysterious background, will be taking over Biden’s medical care effective immediately.

The appointment of Dr. Clintonofsky, whose name bears an uncanny resemblance to a certain former Secretary of State, has raised eyebrows across Washington. Speculation is rife that this sudden change in Biden’s medical team is less about health and more about political strategy.

During a recent press conference, President Biden casually mentioned, “You know, if I ever had a medical condition that, uh, made it hard to serve, I might step aside. Just saying. But, hey, I feel great!” The offhand remark sent shockwaves through political circles, prompting swift action from his advisors.

White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre was quick to reassure the public. “President Biden is in excellent health. However, we’ve brought in Dr. Clintonofsky to ensure that he continues to receive the best possible care. There’s absolutely nothing to worry about.”

Dr. Clintonofsky’s qualifications are, to say the least, unconventional. She reportedly holds degrees from the prestigious University of Arkancz and has extensive experience in “political medicine,” a field that remains undefined. Her practice has long focused on treating high-profile patients with ailments that conveniently align with their political needs.

“Dr. Clintonofsky has a remarkable track record of diagnosing exactly what her patients need,” said one anonymous source. “She’s known for her discretion and ability to craft diagnoses that fit any situation.”

Critics, however, are less convinced. “This is absurd,” said Senator Rand Paul. “Assigning a doctor with such a suspicious name and background right after Biden hints at a potential medical exit? It’s clear what’s going on here.”

In a rare public appearance, Dr. Clintonofsky addressed these concerns directly. “My only goal is to ensure the President’s well-being,” she said, adjusting her dark sunglasses. “I am fully committed to his health and success, and I have no ulterior motives. None whatsoever.”

Political analysts are already speculating about the implications of this move. “If Biden suddenly develops a mysterious medical condition, don’t be surprised,” said one commentator. “This is classic political maneuvering. If Dr. Clintonofsky says Biden can’t continue, then it provides a convenient exit strategy.”

Despite the controversy, the White House remains steadfast. “President Biden is as fit as a fiddle,” Jean-Pierre reiterated. “But in the unlikely event that he does develop a condition, we are confident that Dr. Clintonofsky will handle it with the utmost professionalism and care.”

Meanwhile, social media is abuzz with jokes and memes about the situation. “Next up: Dr. Vince Foster MD?” tweeted one user. “What’s her prescription? A sudden bout of ‘retirementitis’?” quipped another.

As the nation watches closely, one thing is clear: with Dr. Hillarino Clintonofsky on board, President Biden’s health—and political future—will be under intense scrutiny. Whether this new appointment will lead to a sudden medical revelation remains to be seen. But in the world of politics, anything is possible.

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