WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has canceled the Fourth of July national holiday for being transphobic.

“Since there were only CIS-gendered soldiers fighting for so-called independence, it was a transphobic campaign and we cannot celebrate so much bigotry,” Biden said at a press conference.

Biden has ordered all American flags to be replaced with the new Intersectionality flag and those flags to be flown at half staff on the 4th of July.

“Those people like George Washington and Thomas Jefferson never held any trans slaves so clearly they were bigots,” Biden added.

Biden also signed an executive order changing the name of Washington, DC—an homage to the racist George Washington—to be changed to Gayland.

“We have let the CIS-gendered tyrants rule too long. It’s time for a new kind of independence—one in which all Americans are equally dominated by LGBTQ fascism!” Biden said.

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Exavier Saskagoochie

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