WASHINGTON, DC—Sources confirmed on Monday that President-Elect Joe Biden has selected Elmo to head the Department of Education.
“I think he’s cut out for the job,” Biden said in a statement to the media. “He knows his ABCs, he knows how to count till ten and he can speak in complete sentences most of the time – which is more often than I can. I mean, like what else is there to know? He’ll be great.”
Conservatives were quick to criticize the move. Ben Shapiro, known for his baseless opposition to the entire Sesame Street franchise, noted on his radio show that, “This is just another attempt by Democrats to impose their socialist agenda on the American people by having a muppet take charge of our educational system. And it’s not just any muppet but a RED muppet, which is the color of the communist flag. This is full-on communism folks.”
Fox News host Tucker Carlson also commented on the decision, stating that, “Biden’s selection of Elmo was strategic – to distract from the Hunter Biden scandal and his connections to China. We’ll continue discussing the Hunter Biden scandal until everyone gets so bored from it, that we have no viewers left.”
Prior to the publication of this article, we were notified that the Cookie Monster was selected to be the White House chef, due to his experience with food.