UNITED STATES—The Washington Post published a disturbing report today, which revealed that parents have been conspiring with each other to send their children back to school again.

The conspiracy was unraveled by undercover FBI agents who set up a months-long sting operation to catch the perpetrators. FBI agents met with the unsuspecting parents at various locations, and presented themselves as working in different capacities, so they wouldn’t arouse any suspicion on the parents’ part.

All in all, the FBI arrested more than 150 million parents nationwide, each charged with child endangerment for wanting their children back in school without any masks or social distancing. The charge carries a minimum sentence of 5 years in prison. They’re also charged with a felony for wanting kids to be kids again, which could add another 25 years to their prison sentence.

“This was amazing detective work by the FBI’s finest,” FBI Director Christopher Wray said. “Putting your children back in school again where they can learn and grow like normal kids is the worst thing you can do as a parent. In my opinion, you shouldn’t even be a parent in the first place if that’s what you believe in. I’m just glad we arrested the parents before it was too late.”

The trial is set for the beginning of July. Stay tuned for further updates.

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Rafi Metz

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