BREAKING: Joe ‘Exotic’ Biden surges in polls with new post-quarantine look


Democratic presidential hopeful Joe Biden‘s campaign has been suffering through weak polling numbers and consistent senility. The New York Times recently asked, “How will Joe Biden find his Joe Biden?” and he found it all right, in Oklahoma.

His COVID-19 quarantine has given Biden a fresh start after he has found his alter-ego, Joe “Exotic” Biden.

“Self-isolation has been good for Biden, evidently. He’s done some quality Netflix watching and discovered his full mullet-crowned potential,” campaign spokesman Leonard Nemoy said.

The latest national Pew Pew poll of likely voters shows that Joe “Exotic” Biden would beat Donald Trump 63 percent to 37 percent in a head-to-head vote.

“I feel great,” Biden said at the famous Oklahoma Big Cat Farm. “I’m off the meth and drinking tiger’s blood and—no malarkey—I haven’t felt this good since the 1930s!”

Joe “Exotic” Biden plans on announcing his VP choice, which is looking like his favorite Bengal Tiger, Fluffy.


"Excuse me, has this joke been fact-checked?"

Bypass Zuck and his minions and receive hilarious "unauthorized" satire to your inbox, every day.

We don’t spam! Read our privacy policy for more info.