In a bold unilateral decision, President Trump changed the Labor Day holiday to be known as Capital Day or Capitalism Day, infuriating liberals across the country.
“Labor is great,” Trump said in a press conference announcing the change, “but really without capital, labor is just slavery.”
The change made progressives and anti-capitalists so mad that they took to their iPhones and social media accounts immediately, decrying the change.
“This is just insane,” Ocasio-Cortez said, “As Richard Marx taught us, labor is the most important economic value. The people who pay for that labor are just greedy monsters.”
Former President Obama Tweeted that Trump, “Didn’t build that holiday. Someone else did that.”
Some liberals were incensed that Trump would dare say the world “slavery.” “It doesn’t matter if it’s an economically sound argument, it’s clearly racist.”