BREAKING: Biden offers free healthcare and $6k a month to aliens invading New Jersey in drones
Biden offers free healthcare and $6000 a month to all the aliens invading new Jersey in drones TRENTON, NJ—President* Joe...
Science
BREAKING: Biden posthumously awards Jordan Neely Presidential Medal of Freedom as first human to moonwalk on Mars
WASHINGTON, DC—In a ceremony that could only be described as out-of-this-world, President Joe Biden has posthumously awarded the Presidential Medal...
Outgoing Transportation Sec. Pete Buttigieg taps P. Diddy for mission to destroy Uranus
Washington, D.C. – In a surprising twist to his final days as Transportation Secretary, Pete Buttigieg announced a groundbreaking—some would...
Elon Musk needs to stop doing amazing things because it’s making us gender studies triple-doctorates feel worthless
As three esteemed gender studies triple-doctorates, we feel it is our duty to speak out against the incredible accomplishments of...
FLASH FLOOD WARNING in Several U.S. Cities Due to Liberal Tears Following Trump Victory
(New York, NY) — The National Weather Service has issued an urgent flash flood warning as record-breaking liberal tears inundate...
Local man lives in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years
A local man is living in constant daylight after saving it for 12 years. "I've done my work and I...
BREAKING: Amelia Earhart emerges from Bermuda Triangle to accuse Trump of groping her before fatal flight
BERMUDA TRIANGLE—In a shocking twist of historical and political proportions, aviation pioneer Amelia Earhart has emerged from the Bermuda Triangle...
BREAKING: Florida chooses possible starvation over vegan meats as Hurricane Milton approaches
Grocery shelves across Florida are closing up shop in preparation for a category 5 hurricane Milton. The ones that are...
AOC: ‘These poor pumpkins have been drained of their spice by illegal poachers; this needs to stop!’
I don't know who needs to hear it, but pumpkin spice poaching is not okay. I just visited a field...
POLL: What should Biden rename monkeypox to make it more inclusive?
Following a bigoted response to monkeypox with some people pointing out that homosexuals constitute 98% of the cases, the Biden...
