Stacey Abrams: ‘Fetal heartbeats don’t exist until they’re implanted by aliens right before birth’
ATLANTA—Democratic Georgia gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams said “there is no such thing as a heartbeat at six weeks” during an...
Science
BREAKING: Biden cures COVID
(CNN) WASHINGTON, DC—Just days after President* Joe Biden cured cancer, Biden has also cured COVID. “You know, we were so...
AOC: ‘These poor pumpkins have been drained of their spice by illegal poachers; this needs to stop!’
I don't know who needs to hear it, but pumpkin spice poaching is not okay. I just visited a field...
BREAKING: Biden eliminates all cancer in the U.S. by changing the definition of cancer to ‘disease no one has’
WASHINGTON, DC—Just a day after President* Joe Biden vowed to eliminate cancer in his Cancer Moonshot, he has succeeded 100%....
Newsom unveils bold plan for free 100% renewable energy for California
SACRAMENTO—Governor Gavin Newsom is sick and tired of waiting for the federal government to lead the way in fighting climate...
Ocasio-Cortez to overturn the law of gravity because it’s ‘oppressing us’
WASHINGTON, DC—Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez made another bold legislative move promising to overturn the law of gravity because, "it's oppressing us." "When...
Lizzo urges fans to vote to overturn the law of gravity which is ‘oppressing us’
US—Obese singer Lizzo used her moment in the spotlight at MTV’s Video Music Awards (VMAs) to urge her fans to...
Branch Covidians hold candlelight vigil after learning Fauci will be stepping down
US—Adherents to the fastest growing religion in the country, the Branch Covidian cult, held candlelight vigils across the country after...
Historians remove Nicolaus Copernicus for denying scientific consensus
US—Nicolaus Copernicus was a Renaissance polymath, active as a mathematician, astronomer, and Catholic canon, whose statements frequently contradict the scientific consensus on the Earth...
BREAKING: Biden outlaws attempts to stop the spread of monkeypox as a hate crime
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has outlawed any attempt to try to stop the spread of monkey pox as a hate...
