BREAKING: Eyewitnesses report that the Ghost of Kyiv has entered Iraqi airspace
BAGHDAD—Eyewitnesses have reported that the elusive and mysterious Ghost of Kyiv has entered Iranian airspace, taking on the Iranian air...
World
If you don’t want to be raped by cannibal migrants, you might be a racist
In today's increasingly diverse and interconnected world, it is crucial that we remain vigilant in our pursuit of equality, acceptance,...
BREAKING: CIA claims responsibility for ISIS claiming responsibility for Moscow terror attack
WASHINGTON, DC—The Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) has claimed responsibility for the Islamic State (ISIS) claiming responsibility for the recent Moscow...
BREAKING: King Charles is not dead; posts photo to show that he is alive and well
LONDON—The British Royal Family has released an adorable photo of King Charles III enjoying a day in with his beloved...
ACTUALLY: Cannibalism is the most eco-friendly diet and will save the planet
As a triple doctorate in Gender-Queer Wildebeest Grooming, Post-Colonial AI Prompt Engineering, and Post-Feminist Interpretive Dance Theory, I'm clearly the...
Cannibal Haitian Migrants Excited to Feast on Sanctuary City’s Liberal Cuisine
SAN FRANCISCO—In a shocking twist of events, it appears that the recent surge of Haitian migrants heading for the United...
France celebrates killing babies to save them the embarrassment of surrendering later on
PARIS—In a groundbreaking move that has left the international community reeling, the French government has announced its decision to embrace...
Local men dominate International Women’s Day
The 2023 International Women's Day was a great success, focusing mainly on local men who think they're women. "Really, the...
BREAKING: Origin of Jewish space lasers identified
ALDERAAN—In a groundbreaking development, photographic evidence has been unearthed that reveals the true origins of the elusive "Jewish space lasers."...
BREAKING: CNN has called 666 of Ukraine’s 783 presidential primary delegates for Nikki Haley
KIEV—In a stunning turn of events, CNN has called 666 of Ukraine's 783 presidential primary delegates for former U.S. Ambassador...
