Highlights from the 2025 Housework Olympics
In a surprising blend of satire and spectacle, the 2025 Housework Olympics kicked off at the Michelob Ultra Arena during...
World
Fans Thank Pope As Beer Cooler Ice Remains Unmelted After ‘Ice Blessing’
VATICAN CITY – In a move hailed as the greatest papal intervention since the invention of the fish fry, Pope...
Liberals drop support for Ukraine after discovering Ukrainians are white
US—Progressive activists across the United States have abruptly withdrawn their support for Ukraine following the tragic murder of Iryna Zarutska,...
Mel Gibson starts filming Braveheart 2: the true story of 12-year-old girl fending off predatory migrants
Mel Gibson has reportedly set his sights on Dundee, Scotland, for the filming of "Braveheart 2: The Return of the...
BREAKING: Kilmar Garcia Released From Prison To Find Cure For Cancer
ANNAPOLIS, MD—Kilmar Garcia, a Maryland man previously incarcerated for unspecified charges, was released from prison this week to pursue his...
Britons paint St George Cross on illegal immigrants in hopes that the government will actually start removing them
LONDON—In a peculiar escalation of Britain’s immigration debate, citizens across the country have begun painting the St. George’s Cross on...
BREAKING: Trump buys Ukraine, renames it ‘MyKraine’ in unprecedented peace deal
ALASKA—In what international analysts are calling “either the boldest diplomatic breakthrough of the century or a high-profile real estate closing,”...
BREAKING: Starmer lowers voting age in UK to ensure everyone in the Tide Pod Challenge Generation can vote
UK—In a bold move to secure the youth vote and cement his legacy as the Prime Minister of Progress, Keir...
BREAKING: Epstein Island sold to wealthy Middle Eastern businessman Haadid Nahkil Muhssef
NEW YORK—A wealthy Middle Eastern businessman Haadid Nahkil Muhssef has purchased Jeffrey Epstein's pedophile island for $56 million, according to...
Federal Judge orders Trump to put $100 million in swear jar after he drops the f-bomb on reporter
WASHINGTON, DC—In a courtroom spectacle that could double as a stand-up comedy special, Federal Judge Hugh Jassole has ordered President...
