NEW YORK CITY—Rolling Stone journalist Vincent Brown was found dead in his apartment shortly after completing a review of Parliament Funkadelic’s latest album. The rock critic was found shoved in a suitcase with two gun shots to the back of his head. Local police and media declared the death was a suicide.
“Let’s build a park bench in his memory and then we can forget all about it,” the Democratic District Attorney said. “Move along, you crazy right-wing conspiracy theorists.”
When signs pointed to foul-play, Genesius Times investigative journalists asked professional hitman Larry Flowers about Mr. Brown’s death. “He was investigating George Clinton? Oops, my bad,” he responded.
The hitman claimed his mistake was due to jetlag from a recent trip to Haiti. “I’ve been really busy lately,” Mr. Flowers said. “I haven’t messed up this bad since I staged a robbery and left all the valuables on the body.”
When asked to comment, George Clinton told reporters, “He funked up.”