PORTLAND, OR – American feminists are sounding the alarm over a rapidly growing and oppressive regime in the Middle East: Christianity. The Christian church in Iran has grown to over 3 million people in recent years.

Feminist organizations in America have expressed concern that the growing influence of Christianity in Iran could turn the country into “literally the Handmaid’s Tale.”

“We will be continuing to monitor the Christian situation in Iran,” said watchdogs in the mainstream media. “We cannot allow oppressive Christianity to erase the beautiful and rich culture of the Middle East.”

Actress and activist Alyssa Milano voiced solidarity with the Muslim community in Iran by wearing a hijab for 24 hours and issuing the following tweet:

The Petty Prophet’s anonymous correspondent in the Iranian underground church has asked Americans, “Please send water. We’re up to about 1000 baptisms per day and it’s pretty dry here.”

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The Petty Prophet

The Petty Prophet is a shadowy figure and a reporter-at-large for Genesius Times. Little is known about him, but he’s most likely a straight white male. Ew. You should probably disavow everything he writes if you know what’s good for you. Follow at www.thepettyprophet.com

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