BOSTON—In an unprecedented move, the elite Ivy League university Harvard has discontinued all Masters degree programs because of the problematic slave-era connotation of the word “master”, a representative of the institution said.
“Clearly, the idea of mastering a subject is predicated on the idea that white supremacists should master their human slaves and it s a complete barbaric relic of an unacceptable past,” Harvard Provost Dick Tate said.
All staff will continue to be paid full salary despite not teaching anything. Students will receive participation degrees instead of a masters degree but the cost will be the same—around $146,821 per degree.
Students are excited about the change.
“My main concern in life right now is to not offend anyone and if I can’t get a quote unquote masters degree anymore for my $200,000 then so be it,” first year Gender Studies Master student Hugh Janus said. “I was always going to work at Starbucks anyway.”
Harvard recently made news for installing the first brainless provost in the history of the world.