Jane Fonda’s new workout video ‘Jumping to Conclusions’ is perfect for rioters
Rioting is a lot of work. First you have to get out of bed and then get out of your basement and tell your mom where you’re going so you can be back before breakfast. If you’re lucky maybe your mom can make you brown bag and for obvious reasons, s’mores would be an ideal snack..As most Democrats already know, ‘never let a good fire go to waste’.
Not only that but looting big box stores the night before can yield some nifty workout outfits. Just because you can’t try them on because the fitting rooms are on fire doesn’t mean you can’t take them home and try them on in the privacy of your own basement. We do recommend looting full-length mirrors and if you’re really good at it maybe those three-way ones you see in fitting rooms.
And if you don’t have a matching mask and $400 pair of Nikes, not to worry. Your mom can make you a mask if you ask her real nice and the sneaks can always be ‘acquired’ at a later date.
So as we said, looting, starting fires, smashing cars and destroying monuments can be pretty hard on a body that’s been basement dwelling for a few years. Getting the right warm-up outfit is really important which is why you need to ‘shop the sales’ in inner cities.
Now that the autopsy of George Foreman…..uh Floyd has been completed, we have all the answers right in front of us. Of course the countless illegal drugs in his blood, toxic blood levels of Fentanyl, lack of neck bruising or tracheal trauma, 90 percent coronary artery block, COVID-19, Paraganglioma, hypertensive heart disease and 54 other potential causes of death don’t mean nuthin.
With this new video, you can ignore all the above potential causes of death, which is why ‘Jumping to Conclusions’ is literally flying off the shelves. And don’t for a minute think Jane is resting on her laurels. Next week she will introduce her newest workout videos, ‘Knee on Neck, What the Heck’, and ‘Power Begging For Forgiveness’ on in 8-track and Beta-Max. Pre-Orders are being accepted. Quantities are unlimited so hurry.
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